1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:08,000 gave without taking 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:12,320 3 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:17,320 from shaking 4 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:21,320 5 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:25,200 20 Embassy, please, Abu. 6 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:26,640 Facing. 7 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:29,120 - Do you still work at Asda? 8 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:33,120 - No, I'm working as a living statue now, Abu. 9 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,760 - Do you have long Covid? - What? 10 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:39,440 - You look very grey. - It's make-up, Abu. I'm doing living statue work. 11 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,840 - What is living statue? - You just stand still looking like a statue. 12 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:47,240 - And this is a job? - Yeah. 13 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:49,520 - Where do you apply for this? 14 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,360 - Just start doing it. 15 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:53,680 - OK. 16 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,640 - Right, bye, then. - Bye-bye. 17 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,240 - Oh, shit. Is that the time? 18 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,480 Need to get changed for the theatre. 19 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,160 - Mandy, I'm so excited. 20 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,840 I can't believe you bought tickets to see Psychic Pauline. 21 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:47,080 - Oh, I didn't pay. I thought we could do the old high-vis jacket trick. 22 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:48,280 Here, put this on. - What? 23 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:51,040 - High-vis jacket gets you in anywhere, no questions asked. 24 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,240 I've seen loads of stuff with a high-vis. 25 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:54,640 I've been on Top Of The Pops. 26 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,920 - Well, we have a terrific programme for you. 27 00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,040 We have Bon Jovi, Farley "Jackmaster" Funk, 28 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:02,240 Frankie Goes To Hollywood and they're all live in the studio. 29 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:05,160 - I went to the Royal Variety performance. 30 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,680 APPLAUSE 31 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,960 I saw Torvill and Dean. 32 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,440 CHEERING 33 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:19,480 And I saw the 1980 Embassy World Snooker finals at the Crucible. 34 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:24,760 COMMENTATOR: - And Higgins will be disappointed with that. 35 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,280 - Muffed that up, didn't you, Alex? 36 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,520 WHISPERS: Alex. 37 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:38,840 Alex! 38 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,640 Hurricane. - What? 39 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:44,000 - Couldn't give me a light, could you? 40 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,440 Ta. 41 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,520 Alex. 42 00:02:55,520 --> 00:03:00,680 Alex, can I borrow your ashtray? Sorry. 43 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,280 Oh, thanks. 44 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,880 Quite dishy, Thorburn, isn't he? thought? 45 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:11,400 If you like that sort of thing. 46 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,440 - That miss gives Higgins another chance. 47 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,160 - REFEREE: - Cliff Thorburn, eight. 48 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,160 - APPLAUSE 49 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:19,400 Alex, I love you! 50 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,440 CROWD EXCLAIMS 51 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,360 - Oh, and that's a terrible miss from Higgins. 52 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:23,880 He'll be disappointed with that. 53 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,600 - Jesus fucking Christ. You fucking idiot. - Oh! 54 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:27,800 - Who let you in here? 55 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,240 - I carried the table in. - You fucking moron! 56 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:30,240 - MANDY SHRIEKS 57 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,160 CROWD: Oh! 58 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,240 - You're with the Hurricane now! 59 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:36,920 Now you've done it! I'm going to come for you. 60 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:40,000 - Alex "The Hurricane" Higgins must have been furious, Mandy. 61 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,720 - Hmm. I cost him the final. Said he'd never forgive me. 62 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:45,080 Said if he ever saw me again, he'd fucking kill me. 63 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:47,840 - Wasn't he a big drinker? - Why do you think he turned to drink? 64 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:51,800 - And you never got to apologise? - No. He died in 2010. 65 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,640 Anyway, the high-vis jacket pays for itself in no time. 66 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:57,760 - But what do we do? - That's the beauty of it, Lola - nothing. 67 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,040 You just walk in. They think you're meant to be there. 68 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,800 - I'm not sure, Mandy. What if we get caught? 69 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,960 - Thought you might say that. To make you feel better, 70 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,520 we'll carry a table in. - Carry a table? - Yeah. 71 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,560 Nobody questions you if you're carrying a table. 72 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:11,640 BELL RINGS - If you'd like to take your seats, 73 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:13,720 ladies and gentlemen, the show is about to begin. 74 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,240 - Let's leave it here, Lo. 75 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,480 We'll cover it in leaflets about zip-wire experiences in old caves 76 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:19,640 to make it blend in. 77 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,120 Let's get some seats. 78 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:33,520 - I can't believe it worked. - Never fails. 79 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,520 - Oh, good seats! 80 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:38,640 - Right, that's the earpiece in. 81 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,400 Ready to go? - Of course. 82 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:44,240 So I've got all the information submitted by the audience 83 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,560 to the website listed by seat number - 84 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,360 names, addresses, deceased loved ones. 85 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:53,000 Just in case the spirits are quiet again tonight. 86 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,640 Oh, we don't want another 87 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,120 Nottingham, do we? 88 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,800 I've picked out a few juicy ones to start with. 89 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,040 - Don't give me all the info in one go. 90 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,160 I like to eke it out, 91 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:08,480 so it sounds like they're coming through in dribs and drabs - 92 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:09,920 put on a show! 93 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,840 - You certainly do that. 94 00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:14,800 Going to use the spirit 95 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:18,000 of the dead actress on stage routine? 96 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,360 - Oh, it's a bit hammy. 97 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,160 But the crowd love it. 98 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,560 I'll do it if I need it. 99 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,640 - SHE GARGLES 100 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,600 - Excuse me, I think you're sitting in our seats. 101 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,280 - Piss off, grandma, I was there first. - Oh! 102 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:42,840 So rude! 103 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,640 - UPBEAT MUSIC 104 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:58,080 - Oh, good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 105 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:01,160 So LOVELY to be here. 106 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,120 But, wow, 107 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:06,600 I'm already feeling some spirit energy. 108 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:11,400 - Woman in row B, seat 12. 109 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,560 - You, my love. 110 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:17,360 Do you know anyone to have passed in tragedy? 111 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,600 - Yes. - She's recently lost her aunt. 112 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,600 - Was it an auntie? 113 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:27,160 - Yes, yes. - Because I've got someone saying "I'm her auntie". 114 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:30,080 - I've got access to the will. She got the necklace. 115 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,400 - You've got something of hers, haven't you? - Yes, I have. 116 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,040 I've got a necklace. 117 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,000 - She says you're to keep the necklace. 118 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,560 Think of her when you wear it. 119 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,640 Don't lend it out or pawn it. 120 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:43,520 Was she quite a bossy woman 121 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,760 when she was alive, your auntie? 122 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,640 - Yes, she was. - Yes. 123 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:47,640 She's still bossy! 124 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:51,000 - LAUGHTER 125 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,600 - She's laughing. 126 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,480 - Son got the motorbike. 127 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,520 - Who's got the motorbike? 128 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,080 - Oh, that'll be my son. - Ah. 129 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:03,920 She's saying tell him to sloooow doooown. 130 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,960 - Right. - She says she feels much better now, 131 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,520 so you're not to worry. 132 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:13,200 Will you take her love, my darling? - Yes. Thank you. 133 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,160 Yes. 134 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:16,280 - Thank you. 135 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,440 - APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH 136 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,400 - Goose bumps. 137 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:24,320 - A5 - daughter Elizabeth died in a car crash. 138 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:27,760 - I'm feeling some other energy now. 139 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:31,240 Making me move in this direction. 140 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,720 I think I'm coming to you, my love. 141 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,680 Blonde lady. 142 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:40,000 I'm getting a... Oh, young lady. 143 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,160 Something about a car crash. 144 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,040 - No. - Sure? 145 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,800 A lady called Elizabeth. 146 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:54,000 - No. - It's definitely seat A5. 147 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,400 Car crashed on Ledbury Street. 148 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,560 It was a four car pile-up. She can't have forgotten it. 149 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,880 - Ledbury Street. 150 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,560 I want you to think about that. 151 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,080 Definitely for you. - No, not for me. 152 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,120 AUDIENCE MURMURING 153 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,920 - She must be sitting in the wrong seta. 154 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,920 You're losing them! 155 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:12,920 Do the stage spirit. 156 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,920 - I think the communication from the spirit world 157 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,040 is being disturbed 158 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,360 by a strong, violent presence 159 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:24,600 here on this very stage. 160 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,600 Ah, ladies and gentlemen, 161 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:30,160 there is a spirit with me here now 162 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:34,920 who died 100 years ago when a piece of scenery fell on her head 163 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,520 during a matinee performance 164 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,600 of the Importance Of Being Earnest 165 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:45,240 by Irish playwright and homosexual Oscar Wilde. 166 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:48,200 She is trapped now 167 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,280 between Earth and heaven. 168 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,960 She wanders the stage. 169 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:56,960 She is tired now. So tired. 170 00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:00,480 She wants me to see if I can help her get into the spirit world. 171 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:02,800 I'll do my best, my love. 172 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:06,360 Spirits, if you can hear me, 173 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:10,200 please take this lady to her rest. 174 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,720 Please let her enter your porthole. 175 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,120 Spirits, take her! 176 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,280 - AUDIENCE: Oh! 177 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:21,960 - She's gone. 178 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:24,200 Thank you, spirits. 179 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:25,840 Thank you! - Hey, maybe I should ask 180 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,640 if she can bring Alex Higgins through so I can make amends. 181 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:31,120 - That's a good idea, Mandy. 182 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,880 - Um, excuse me. 183 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:36,080 Excuse me, Pauline. 184 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:39,000 Um, I don't know this Elizabeth woman, 185 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,960 but there is someone on the other side I'd like to talk to. 186 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,840 Um, I've got some unfinished business 187 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,480 with Alex "Hurricane" Higgins. 188 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,960 AUDIENCE: Oh! - The two-times world champion snooker player? 189 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:54,040 - Yeah. Yeah, could you bring him through so I could apologise to him? 190 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:57,800 - You want me to summon the ghost! of Hurricane Higgins? 191 00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:02,600 - Yeah. - You want me to summon the ghost of Hurricane Higgins? 192 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:07,480 - Yes, please. - You want me to summon the ghost of Hurricane Higgins? 193 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,680 I'm sorry, love, I don't do requests. 194 00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:21,200 I'm not a DJ! 195 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,840 - Shame she didn't get Alex. - Yeah. 196 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,840 - Maybe she's losing her touch. 197 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,680 How's the human statue work going? - It's all right. 198 00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,560 Most people find the hours of inactivity hard to cope with, 199 00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:38,840 but, for me, it's the only perk of the job. - Hmm. 200 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:50,840 - When I performed here last night, 201 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,600 I was confronted by the spirit 202 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:56,080 of an actress 203 00:10:56,080 --> 00:11:00,360 who died on this very stage 100 years ago. 204 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:04,600 I wonder, will she make an appearance again? 205 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:10,360 - What the...? 206 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,480 Oh, fucking hell. 207 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,040 I know that smell. 208 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,160 Embassy 100s. 209 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,360 Higgins, is that you? 210 00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:26,640 - Of course it's me. 211 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:30,200 I've come for you, Mandy. 212 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,320 You lost me the 1980 World Snooker finals. 213 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,480 I said I'd track you down. 214 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:38,440 And I have. - I'm sorry. It was an accident. 215 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:41,160 Please forgive me. - I could have potted that blue, 216 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:42,880 come round for the final red, 217 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:44,720 leaving me on for the black. 218 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,720 But you distracted me. 219 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,680 You cost me the World Championship, Mandy! 220 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:52,720 - SHE SHRIEKS 221 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:56,480 BBC SNOOKER THEME MUSIC "DRAG RACER" PLAYS 222 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,880 - Here comes Hurricane! 223 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,160 - Row A, seat six. 224 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:10,720 - While I'm talking, I'm being drawn over here 225 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,440 to this lady. 226 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,240 And I'm getting the name... 227 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:17,320 - Pauline Franklin. 228 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,560 - ..Franklin. 229 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,480 - You're snookered now, Mandy! 230 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:26,840 This is your cue to die! 231 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,840 - WOMAN: No, means nothing to me. - Come on, think. 232 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:40,000 - No. - People must be sitting in different seats again. 233 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:43,400 - Maybe it's the lady next to you. 234 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:46,120 - No, mate, no. Not me, no. 235 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:02,280 - Come on, let's get our money back. The woman's a charlatan. 236 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,760 - Pauline! Open your porthole! 237 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,800 Higgins is coming for me! 238 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:10,320 Help me! - Fuck me, the Grey Lady's real. 239 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,400 - Mandy Carter. 240 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:16,120 - it's Alex "Hurricane" Higgins. 241 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,120 - This is your reckoning. 242 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,960 - Alex, I love you! 243 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,320 - AUDIENCE GROANS 244 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,640 SHE CHOKES 245 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,480 AUDIENCE: Oh! 246 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:41,680 - Oh... 247 00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:43,360 She didn't see that coming. 248 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,960 - Typical Higgins - went for the shot, 249 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:47,360 should have played safety. 250 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:54,200 - 251 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,440 252 00:13:56,440 --> 00:14:00,600 from me 253 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,160 254 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,680 255 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,200 256 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,320 257 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:14,080 258 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,840 259 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,520